By Sarah Nakasenge
It’s a common societal perception that every woman would wish to marry a perfect man. People with disabilities in particular face prevalent discrimination in relationships. This is not, however, always the case because preferences and attitudes towards relationships are highly individual and vary widely.
While some individuals have biases about dating someone with disability, many are open to relationships based on compatibility, personality, and shared values rather than physical attributes as the story of Sylvia Kyokusiima and Milton Ninsiima proves. Kyokusiima narrates her relationship journey with Ninsiima, who was born with a physical disability.
How they met
Kyokusiima and Ninsiima met in Mbarara. Their meeting was coincidental. One rainy day, Kyokusiima and a friend were heading somewhere but they had to take shelter from a heavy downpour. “When the storm started, one of the gentlemen inside the shop where we were sheltered directed his colleague, whom I guessed to be his brother, to offer us seats,” says Kyokusiima.
She explains that they watched Television as they waited for the rain to stop. When the rain stopped, Kyokusiima and her friend resumed their journey. “After we had left the shop and moved for about a kilometer, the brother of the gentleman in the shop came running after us; he told me that his brother had told him to go back with the lady who had big eyes.”
Obviously that was Kyokusiima. And the gentleman in the shop was Milton Ninsiima, who is now her husband.
She was surprised and wondered what a person with disability could want from her. “My whole body got goose pimples, I was asking myself what the disabled man wanted from me,” she adds. Kyokusiima says she shouted at the messenger not to even bother her again.
One day, Kyokusiima and Ninsiima met in the market and shockingly they both looked at each other in a way they never expected. She says Ninsiima offered her money to buy items from the market, which she accepted. The two met on several occasions until Ninsiima won her affection. They have now lived together for over 15 years and they are planning to legalize their marriage soon. They are blessed with three children.
What people say
In the beginning it wasn’t easy. At some point Kyokusiima contemplated quitting the relationship. Her father-in-law thought she had come to steal their son’s money. “I remember the day his father found me at the shop, he quarreled, saying I was taking money from his son!”
Most of her relatives and friends also wondered why she would have a relationship with a disabled man. “I remember my aunt and my parents asked me whether that was the only man I could choose,” she states. Kyokusiima paid a deaf ear to people’s opinions. She had found true love.
Kyokusiima says hers is a normal, happy marriage and as a wife she gets everything that any woman would wish to get. “Much as people make all sorts of comments about us, especially while I am working with my husband on the street, this does not affect me in any way.”
What they do for a living
Kyokusiima’s husband is a street preacher in Kampala. Ninsiima has been preaching for over five years and his passion for spreading the Word of God has sustained his family. They earn a living through people’s blessing. “We have constructed a decent house, bought some cows and goats and we take care of our parents,” Ninsiima explains.
He now plans to start a business for his wife and enroll his children in better schools.
In a day, Ninsiima says he receives between 70,000 and100,000 Shillings from well wishers. On a bad day, he gets about 50,000 Shillings.
Ninsiima believes what pulls the audience to him is his selection of good gospel music and encouraging words which motivates and gives people hope. “Counselling is something people need but they don’t get it. That’s the opportunity I utilize, to teach the word of God through preaching on the street.” he adds.
When I asked Milton how he won Kyokusiima’s heart, he just smiled and said that it was God’s grace. “When you trust God, he can do what seems impossible”, adding: “Yesu nze yankuba repair”, literally meaning Jesus repaired him and took away all his burdens.
Ultimately, successful relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, communication, and compatibility. People with disabilities are just as capable of forming healthy, loving relationships as anyone else, and it’s important to challenge stereotypes and promote inclusivity in all aspects of society, including dating and relationships.
